That Feeling

09.04.2018

If I sit and think about it for too long, I start to get that feeling.  The one where my chest feels like someone is pressing on it and the feeling of not breathing travels up to my throat until I have to actually think about breathing otherwise I might suffocate…yeah, that feeling.  And then I get mad at myself for feeling this way because I know I shouldn’t feel this way, but I just can’t help it.

After 10 years, I’ve come back to the classroom.  Kindergarten, no less.  I’ve also moved my family across the ocean from where we lived to what will be our new home.  Because we are also in the process of buying this new home (which we absolutely love, by the way).  While we stay with family until this process is over and we can actually move into our new home.  So…yeah.  There’s that feeling again.

And while I’ve gotten pretty good at keeping this feeling at bay, most times throughout the day, I’ll think about it for one second and BAM!  Someone is sitting on my chest again.  My saving grace right now is this thought: one day (or thing) at a time.

My expectations for myself are hard ones for me to come to terms with since starting this new adventure, but I also know that I need to give myself some time to figure out my new normal – the new routines in my life.  But I’m just not there yet.

So before that feeling starts to threaten me again; before my chest starts to hurt with the weight of the pressure pushing on me; before I have to take a huge gulp of air just to get my breathing going again; before I start to panic; I have to say to myself, “One day at a time.”

 

5 thoughts on “That Feeling

  1. That’s a lot of change all at once, so your mantra makes a lot of sense. Staying in the moment, one moment at a time, is good for sanity. Good luck with all the changes and the move and the new teaching gig.
    Kevin

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I know that feeling. Big moves can be overwhelming– the sheer scope of change. I appreciate how you acknowledge the feeling and then remind yourself to focus on the moment, the one thing, the one day. Good luck! I bet it’s going to be a great move once you’ve settled in.

    Liked by 1 person

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